“There is no good hope of glory but what is founded in grace; grace is glory begun, the earnest and assurance of glory.”
Matthew Henry

A testimony of hope and grace and redemption…

By Susanna Corley

Some of you remember the little pony-tailed girl that I was. For those of you who don’t, I am Mary Susanna, middle child of Ed Corley. I set out on my journey here when I came to work with my dad in the ministry seven years ago. There have been times of testing and difficulty. There have even been times that we wanted to give up. But, through it all I have finally, just this past year, been able to embrace freedom and the joy that comes with it. I want to share with you some of the things and thoughts that helped me find my way out of a maze.

Being here and working with the words my dad has written has been like a plow into the deepest recesses of my pain and torment. Some of his words felt like a surgeons knife on my heart. Many of them hurt. There were a lot of wounds there from a lifetime of conflict with  the enemy. I must admit that I could relate first hand to every aspect of Putting Off the Old Man. Anxiety took a firm hold on me and seemed to be at the root of the battle that raged inside of me for years. I ran from it every day. In fact every day from the moment of waking it was at the forefront of my mind with it’s ever present torment. Anxiety was always a personal battle for me. I know it is a battle waged by many people. But, in spite of it all, even though it seemed that Satan had a personal score to settle with me, preparation for His Kingdom has been birthed out of it, and it can for you as well.

In my own attempts to come to grips with this horrible affliction, I finally came to recognize that most of my anxiety was actually conviction. For those of us who love the Lord and try to serve Him, the reasonings of our minds are constantly waging war in our emotions in an attempt to come to grips with things that are just plain wrong. Many of these things have become socially acceptable... some in bars, in back rooms or the garage, some even in the church, even from the pulpit. There remains this irritating voice causing an irritation in our spirits saying, “This is wrong!”

So, we go to the doctor to get medication or we self medicate or drink alcohol, maybe it’s sex or pornography or some other way of finding relief. Many deal with this irritation with just plain busyness. Ever searching for something to quieten that voice, to have a moment of peace until finally sleep comes at the end of the day, either under heavy sedation, or from exhaustion. 

When we accept Jesus as our Savior, as I did at a very early age, we are in fact saved by grace. So, when we die we can go to heaven. That’s great. Even though we don’t—or we can’t—always do what’s right, God still loves us and will accept us. There are scriptures like the following one in Galatians. I unfortunately found that I could relate to too much of it.

This interpretation of Galatians 5:19-21 comes from The Message:

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. 

This is what Jesus carried in His heart to the cross. This is what He defeated for us. That is why He has warned us that ...If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's Kingdom.

One thing I have learned from my father over the years, is that I definitely want to inherit the Kingdom. So, I became desperate to find my way out of the maze. Not just so I could go to heaven, but that I might become useful in the Kingdom, that I might become a witness of God’s grace and faithfulness in my life.

These words my dad has written in these books and publications, go through me before they come to you. I sift through the words, dig in them and sometimes rearrange them. This past year those words did a work inside of me that is beyond description. Just know that before they came to you they did their work on me and by the time we came to the end of the year those prayers had become a description of who I am. Sometimes I become giddy with joy at the thought of the changes they brought into the inner most parts of my mind and emotions. 

The prayer from Colossians, we studied through the last months of the year, became the meditations of my heart. I began feeling the ability within my spirit to stand and walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, with every desire in my heart to please and carry out my responsibilities in a way that is always satisfactory and beneficial to others.

I found myself beginning to be fruitful in every good work and increasing unto the acknowledgment of God. I became empowered with an enabling ability with my whole life and activity strengthened by the power of God’s Spirit, according to the dominion of His Glory. All of this led me unto a steadfast endurance in everything I did.

In the last days of the year, as Christmas was coming upon us, I came to a realization that my expectations were not going to be fulfilled. I was frantic trying to do everything I thought I had to do, but instead I had to learn how to be slow to avenge any injury, basically, suck it up. What seemed a miracle to me is that, all the while I was able to maintain my joy. None of it was founded on anything that was happening. Every bit of it was in my heart.

It was in October that the journey to that fulfillment truly began to bud. Through these years that I have been here working with my dad, we have all been somewhat isolated. It has always been hard for me to reach out and feel part of a fellowship of believers. But, I needed that fellowship. I searched the churches in the area and never really found a place where I felt comfortable. I’m sure some of can relate this problem.

But, I persisted and the Lord finally lead me to a body of believers that has fulfilled the longing in my heart for fellowship. It has brought me on through to find healing and release from things in my life that brought on my battle with anxiety.

I was sitting in a meeting one evening at my pastor’s home, and we were talking about the sin that Jesus took with Him to the cross. We were discussing just how He carried our sin. In my own heart, even though I have been exposed to this message my entire life, it became real to me, that what He carried in His heart and His body to the cross was the result of sin. The pain, the defeat, the total and complete destruction that sin brings. I felt just a fraction of it and it broke my heart. It broke me.

I was alone in my repentance although I sat among others. But, in that moment instead of running from my convictions as I was accustomed to, I turned andfaced them, head on. My tears flowed and they would not stop, they flowed for me, for the lost, for those who have known the Lord, have worshiped Him, have loved Him, but have somehow lost their way.

I came face to face that evening with the suffering that my precious Lord endured for my sake. Grace became real to me. I began to understand that walking in grace, instead of being covered by a shield that made my sins invisible, was more like being given the ability to walk in victory over my sins that would defeat me. That night I saw Grace as a weapon that is given according to the measure of the gift of Christ. Ephesians 4:7

I always had a hard time comprehending just exactly how to partake of this gift of grace. It always seemed obscure and beyond my reach. But, that evening I saw, almost like a vision, Jesus’ heart as He suffered. His body was broken, I knew He felt my pain. I knew that I deserved to suffer and He didn’t. I knew that it was His grace that gave me the ability to lay my small sacrifice at His feet and accept His love for me.

It began with the simple decision to believe that God would not forsake me and that He would give me the grace and power to face, confront and overcome my anxiety, my fears and my dependence on my own reasonings.

Before Jesus suffered and died that we might have access to the Father through the workings of His grace, He preached, saying, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. So I repented that night. And, instead of just being sorry and apologizing, then continuing on with my same old ways of coping with life, there came a real change in my me. There was a change in the way I looked at things, like a veil was lifted. My walk changed and the way I responded to life in general. It was then the redemption of my life truly began.

In those moments that I wept, I finally came to a realization of His love for me. Finally, I knew the reason God sent His Son to suffer and die for me was because He loved me and wanted fellowship with me.  But, not just me. He is a jealous God and He wants it all. He wants all of us. It grieves His heart to loose even one soul. This verse in Hebrews 2:9 amazed me and caused me to ponder deeply. My dad would call it soaking.

But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death, crowned with glory and honour; that He by the Grace of God  should taste death for every man.

Just to imagine that, because of the Grace of God, Jesus become obedient unto death for us. If we can begin to realize the power that God’s grace holds within itself, and, submit ourselves to it, it will empower us to turn around and face our fears, our anxieties, bitterness, resentment, addictions. The list could go on forever because there is no limit to the ability of the Grace of God, nor of His love for us.

There is no way to gain victory in any battle unless we fight the battle. We will never be victorious as long as we are running the other way. Even if we pray, “God help me overcome, release me from my addictions, forgive me!” Even if we run to the holiest man we can find to pray for healing and deliverance, for a quick and painless release, there is no way around the fact that we must first fight the battle. No matter what happens there will be a time when we are alone with ourselves and in those moments, in the reality of life, we must possess the ability within our selves to overcome that downward pull. 

When anxiety rears it’s ugly head we must know that when we repented, we repented because we believed. He then gave us the tools, the weaponry to overcome. He gave us the gift of His grace that we might be victorious in those battles. But, it is up to us to stop running and turn around and use the powerful blessing that the Lord has given us in His Grace. By making the decision to repent and stop running from our adversary, by taking a stand and facing it head-on, we begin to deny it’s power in our lives.

Might there be suffering involved? Yes, of course there will be suffering, For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake; (Philippians 1:29).

However, ...our hope of you is stedfast, knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolation (2 Corinthians 1:7).

But we must want it more than anything in the world. And why do we want to win this battle more than anything in the world? It is that we might ...rejoice in the hope of the Glory of God…

Romans 5:

^1-2 By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with Him, make us fit for Him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

^3-5 There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

I found that Peter as well as Paul had a lot to say about suffering.

But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:13

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto His eternal Glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. 1 Peter 5:10

Can we find within ourselves that it is a worthy cause to suffer for Christ’s sake, that we might also partake of His Glory, that we might rule with Him in His Kingdom? I’m not just talking about a far away reward that one day we can go to heaven. I am talking about right here, right now, in this life, in these circumstances, finding joy and strength and clarity of mind and emotions…

The Proclamation recorded in the Book of Revelations couldn’t be more clear… 

To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in My Throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with My Father in His Throne—Revelations 3:21.

It was necessary for Jesus to overcome… In fact, it has boggled my mind these past few months that our Lord Himself ...learned obedience by the things which He suffered—Hebrews 5:8.

How can it be that Jesus had to learn obedience through suffering!!!??? And why was it necessary for Him to suffer and overcome that He might sit with His Father in His Throne??? You would think that being the Son of God would qualify Him for His inheritance. I’m sure it did, but in order to make the way for us to share with Him in that inheritance, it was necessary for Him to share with us in the suffering brought on us by our sins. That is because He loves us so much and wants fellowship with us.

In the days coming upon us, it is becoming necessary that if we expect to stand, we must learn obedience. In order to be obedient we must first know what He desires of us. We must learn what is given in His Word, and we must be able to hear His voice.

Many churches are teaching that “God does not want us to suffer. He wants to bless us. He will take us out of the way before real trouble is unleashed on the sinners of the world.” (I just wonder if there will be an extra dose of trouble for those who deceive the Body of Christ, that would lull them to sleep while the enemy is encircling the camp.)

But, if Jesus, the Son of God had to learn obedience through the things which He suffered, then do we consider ourselves above our Lord who gave us these words…

Matthew 10: ²⁴The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord...

²⁸And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

²⁹Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.

³⁰But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

³¹Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.

³²Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.

 ³³But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.

³⁴Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

³⁸And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

My hope and prayer for you is that you can receive, and that you can believe that God sent His only begotten Son to become man and to suffer, to feel our pain, and to die our death and to rise again victorious so we might partake of that same victory through the gift of His...

Grace…

Hebrews 12:28—Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.

I don’t want you to think that because I’ve had this epiphany, I no longer feel discouraged or even anxiety to some degree. I do. But there is no longer a wild frantic searching for relief. I know where my relief is, I know where my victory is. And, I know that there can be purpose in my suffering as long as I hold on to His grace as if my life depends on it.

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